Time to dance

I am so grateful for life. After weeks of recovering in my hospital sanctuary I am ready to face the world again.One of my favorite songs expresses how I feel today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRayKxgePQI&feature=fvw

Walking again.

After 17 days in the hospital I am getting stronger. I took a walk this afternoon. I pulled my IV pole with me down to the gift shop to get some much needed chocolate. As I plowed through the crowd wearing my mask on my face I felt like a leper of ancient days. I wondered if I ought to be calling out "clear the way, unclean, unclean."

I have been infected by the swine flu. This pandemic has hit our part of the country with a mighty punch. Attempts at not spreading the virus has shut down whole school systems for days at a time. The hospital has been overflowing, an auxillary wing was opened in the emergency room to accomadate the sick coming in with flu symptoms. There have been several "healthy" people that have died from acute respiratory distress caused by the deadly H1N1 virus.

"But by the grace of God there go I" is an incredibly true statement for me. I am blessed

Ups and Downs

Ups and Downs When I look out my window I can see the big, gold globe that Knoxville built to host the 1982 world's fair. The sky is gray as it has been raining for the last couple of days and it looks like it will be raining through the weekend. Dreary weather makes it easier to be in the hospital, the outside world is not quite as enticing when the rain is pouring down. I am in recovery mode but still feel very weak, taking a shower is a major endeavor that leaves my energy depleted. I feel old, worn out.

I am doing the dance of ambivalence again. I'm glad to be in the hospital and have all my needs taken care of; it's wonderful not to have to think about preparing food, when to take meds or taking care of anyone else. I'm sad to be in the hospital because I feel disconnected from my family and friends. Up and down the seesaw of emotions go.

The Doughnut

I don't want to wish my life away but I wish this hospital stay was over. I want to be home already. I've been here for 9 days and at least another 9 days to go. I can not go home with home health care because of the dreaded doughnut hole.

Let me try to explain to the best of my ability the bureaucratic bull crap that dictates my life. Medicare part D will help pay for prescriptions until you reach about $2400. Then the patient pays the next $3000, then medicare will kick into gear again and will pay for prescriptions. The middle section where the patient pays for all the medication is called the doughnut hole and that is where I am stuck. I cannot afford to pay for my medicine, so now the system will wind up paying a bunch more money for me to stay in the hospital. Does this make sense?

Love Flowing

LOVE FLOWING

God's love flowing 'round me
soothing as water
molding creation
softening sharp contours.
My heart rises upward
as bird toward sunrise
yearning to meet You
in blazing delight.
Your eyes gaze upon me
piercing my armour
humbling my spirit
searching for faith.
I bow to Your radiance
in homage and worship
surrounded by mercy
clothed in white garments.

For Tina from Mary L.Pries

hospital update

Today marks my 8th day in the hospital. This week has been a blur of IV's, blood work and
x-rays. I am getting better but still feel very weak. I hope to go home this week.

In The Middle

I am writing this entry from the ICU. I am being desensitized from an atibiotic that I am allergic to. Today before coming to the ICU I was able to go outside, it was wonderful to sit and let the breeze blow over me. I am anxious to go home but I know that will not be for awhile so I am trying to be content. To my right is a window where I am watching the sun set, to my left my IV pole, the annoying machine is beeping. I look back and forth between these two scenes that are the backdrop of my life.

The End of A Season

The summer ended abruptly, much sooner then we wanted, perhaps all of life goes that way. We had tentatively planned for a camping trip, a final farewell to our warmest season. Instead of communing with nature in the Great Smokies, I am communing with doctor's in the hospital. My fever was at 103.8 by the time I got to my hospital bed. So far it's been 3 days of antibiotics, vomiting, bed rest and still the fever is here. I've tested positive for influenza type A a/k/a the Swine flu. With my pre-existing condition it is really wiping me out.I came in dehydrated. The nurses had to stick me 14 times before they got a good vein in my finger. Needless to say, all the poking really got on my nerves. (pun intended).