I usually enjoy politics. I love debates, the crashing of ideas against each other, the battle of philosophies with each candidate trying to get their point across in the most articulate way possible. In November, no matter who wins, history will be made.
However this year I'm having a hard time getting into the political arena. It's not that I don't care who runs the country; It's the realization that I may not be here four years from now. I am not one to be pessimistic but my meeting with the transplant team last week leaves me with a sobering understanding of the future. Less then 2% of people die on the operating table when they get new lungs; 10% die within the first year; 50% die within the first 5 years.
I know I have always beaten the odds with this disease. I assume I'll beat the odds of transplant as well. Yet the statistics still leave me with a sense of desperation. I not only want to live, I want to live fully. I want to surround myself with people I feel connected to, I want to have long talks, I want to linger at sunset, I want to laugh. alot. I want to worship, I want to take my kids to Disney World. I swing between being purposeful and serious to being silly and frivolous, it's a crazy, schizophrenic way of approaching life. I realized a long time ago most things that take our energy are not that important. So then, how shall I live? I don't know. I sense I'm at a new place. I can not assume life will go on as it always has, at least not my life. Time will tell.
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2 comments:
This is the first time I ventured into the world of Tina's blog. What a gift. Thank you for your honesty. It has made it very difficult to give any easy answer or simple cliche and move on. It is always a pleasure to enjoy the swings in the sunshine with a friend, but how rich it is to walk through the valley not alone. Thank you for allowing me to enter this season with you.
I enjoyed breakfast with you, and listening to you read "THE SHACK" I enjoy talking about it.The books you read are thinking books,"sometimes it hurts" you know the thinking part? You wanna go check out the sunset? And camping? Well my darling you are full of adventure. Rich mullins is the perfect artist for you. It is interesting how an artist can use words we may not think of. Peace out. Love, Thomas
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