Anticipation

Remember the old Heinz 57 commercial showing the juicy hamburger just waiting for one drop of ketchup to drip off the bottle. In the background Carly Simon sang about how anticipation is making her wait but of course the ketchup is too rich and thick to plop out. The next scene is just a perfect hamburger with a perfectly round circle of ketchup. You never see where the scene where the ketchup user is hitting the bottom of the bottle talking to the ketchup trying to convince it to come out. Then when that does not work he gets the old butter knife out and pulls the red, glue-like substance out in big, gooey glops. No, all you see is the end result, a perfectly round ring of ketchup on a perfect burger just waiting to be devoured.

Often when I am waiting the song often comes back to me. (ah, the power of media, that commercial was on TV at least 20 years ago.) This morning I am waiting to go to Duke Medical Center. I have appointments through out today and tomorrow. I was scheduled to go for a routine review at the end of this month but now, with the recent lung collapse, they want to see me earlier. I don't like going there. They see me as a patient, they think I am sick. I do not always acknowledge how sick I am until reality smacks me in the face again and I cannot turn away. Today I am forced to face my sickness, to talk about transplant, to anticipate the future.