What are the odds?

I am tired. Physically I feel exhausted and emotionally I feel overwhelmed. Each day brings new information that I try to absorb. Initially I was encouraged when I arrived here. I have met with a few post-transplant people and they assure me that the struggle of the exercise, the operation, the prescription drugs are all well worth it when they think about how easy it is to breathe. Their lives seem far from simple, post transplant life is similar to pre-transplant in that it is full of preoccupation about your health and the uncertainties that go with being sick. Rejection of the new organs can begin at any time. Yet they are grateful for the breath of life.

After a few days it dawned on me that I am talking to the "lucky" ones and I use that term very loosely. For everyone that I meet there are others who I don't meet because they are in the hospital, or too sick to exercise or dead. 15% of patients who go through transplant die the first year, 20% the second, 25% the third year etc. Only 40% make it to 10 years. I think I would walk away from a gambling table with those odds. Yet I can't walk away, this is the best gig in town. It seems the only thing that is 100% true is that there are no easy solutions.