Resting

This season is good. I have spent lots of time laying in the hammock, soaking up the sun, listening to my children's laughter. I am reading good books, watching the clouds drift by, waiting for the lightning bugs to burst on the scene in the cool of the evening. Ah, the long, lazy days of summer.

I am resting and recovering from the last 12 months: 6 hospitalizations, 4 out patient surgeries, 5 weeks of pulmonary rehab. It has been an extremely challenging year; Too much sickness, back to back with no recovery time, too much stress, too, too much.

There were times I did not think I would survive (literally). It feels good to be alive.

Where are we going?

The endless cycle of idea and actions, endless invention, endless experiment,
brings knowledge of motion, but none of stillness, knowledge of speech, but not of silence,
knowledge of words, and ignorance of The Word.

All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance,
all our ignorance brings us nearer to death.

Where is the life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

-T.S. Eliot, 1934

The Cost

"Yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone." -J.C. Mellancamp, 1982 "Happy are those that dream dreams and are willing to pay the price. "-Author Unknown "Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea, all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see. All we are is dust in the wind." -Kansas, 1977 "Carry on my wayward Son, they'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest don't you cry no more. Carry on, You will always remember, carry on, nothing equals the splendor, now your life's no longer empty, surely heaven waits for you." -Kansas, 1976

Time Marches On.....

Two weeks ago I laid in a hospital bed.

One week ago I laid in the sun listening to the familiar rhythm of the waves of the ocean.

Tonight I lay in my bed, safe, sound and secure.

I am grateful that I am not where I was.

I am grateful that I don't know what lies ahead.

I will rest in this moment.

Saying goodbye

Tomorrow we will be at Sunny Shores Sea Camp in Vero Beach. This is a family vacation that we partake of every year. It's a time to come together with others like me who have Cystic Fibrosis. There will be a familiar face missing this year. My dear Doctor Mckey passed away a few months ago. He was my pulmonologist in Miami. He was my doctor for over 30 years, watching me grow from a weak toddler misdiagnosed with a "failure to thrive" to being a Mother of two children. I was blessed to have him be part of my life. I will miss him.

For more info go to http://www.sunnyshoresseacamp.org/

Acceptance

When it comes to hospital stays, I am a frequent flier with lots of mileage points. This is my third stay this year, my 6th stay in the last 12 months. I used to go crazy when I had to go in the hospital. I hated it, I felt like life was passing me by and I was stuck within the confines of four sterile walls.

As the years have gone by I have learned to accept, relax and even enjoy aspects of my hospital stays. By the time I usually land here I am sick enough that I am grateful for the reprieve. Where else can you spend time just sleeping, reading, writing, watching TV and playing video games while others bring you your food and clean your room. I am grateful to have a soft place to lay my tired head. I am able to rest without the burden of daily life chores (cooking, cleaning, taking care of others.) I've come to embrace the fact that life is not passing me by, this is my life.

Home Away From Home

I've been feeling extra tired and congested for the past few weeks. I went to the doctor last week. They told me I wasn't sick enough to meet medicare criteria to be admitted to the hospital. So I spent a week getting sicker which will now take me longer to get better. This is an example of the inefficiency of Medicare; Save a penny, lose a dollar.

I will not go into complaint mode about our health care system. I can hop on that soap box and cry out to all who will hear for quite a while. I don't have the energy for that right now. Give me a few days on IVs then I can rant and rave again.

Right now it's time for rest, relaxation and Jeopardy