Arrived home from a wonderful vacation last night. Tonight the thermometer tells me I have a fever of 100.6 degrees. I wonder what this means? I'm tired, I want to go to bed, trying to stop my mind from racing ahead of me but the very act of not thinking about something is thinking about it. Quite maddening. Thinking of one of my CF friends that spent the last of her life in and out of the hospital..... Literally in for a month then out. She did not want a transplant. I know it's a very personal decision but I wish she would have chosen differently and was still alive.
I want new lungs but the work of a transplant overwhelms me, living sick overwhelms me. My life feels like it starts spinning every time the thermometer changes. I cried because I could not find the &%$#@ TV controller tonight. In my mind this became the symbol of the chaos of life, a lack of a TV controller; still haven't found it. Time to sleep.
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2 comments:
I am reminded that God gives me a daily reprieve...just for today... not what I need tomorrow... or the next day... or next month... just enough for today.
Here's hoping you are sleeping well and finding peace.
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