Transformation Time

Today I worked out at the gym for the first time since I've been home from Durham.   One small step to maintaining my health and transforming my life.

Tonight's Sunset

Tonight's sunset was glorious; a huge, orange ball slowly floating down to the silhouetted tree line creating the beautiful hue of brilliance that I like to call the golden hour.  Slowly it sank, lower and lower, little by little and then it was gone.

That intersection of time when the earth's energy ball  finally disappears always holds a nanosecond of sadness for me.  Strange, I know it's going to happen, it simply must, yet it still leaves me in a moment of stunned awe - it's over.  This day is done, never to return.

This week I watched from afar as two friends died. Knowing they were in the hospital and not doing well I wondered if this was the beginning of their sunsets or just a clouded shadow over their life.  As time passed it become clearer, as they struggled for breath and were placed on  ventilators I knew their sun was setting.

Her life ended due to rejection from her double lung transplant.  The new lungs she received sustained her for 18 months longer then her native organs.  He died from Cystic Fibrosis, too sick, too many complications to receive a double lung transplant.  Their final sunset has come, their days on earth are done.  Both of them were younger then I.

Tonight I wanted to honor their lives.  As the sun began its' downward dissension I remembered them. While speaking their names I stopped and was mindful of the gift of today.  I enjoyed another golden hour, the sun dipping ever so languidly, turning trees into dark profiles before it's final descent and then, in a moment, the day was done, never to return. 

Yoga

In the midst of trying to find life, figuring out how to live, getting my groove on, finding my bliss, et cetera et cetera ad nauseum - I am trying new things.  Today was yoga.

I don't speak the language of yoga so I'm not sure of everything that was going on.  At the beginning of class the instructor, a/k/a the yogi, said the intention of today's class was strength.  She said our goal is to listen to our body and stretch - going  to the place between easy and too hard.  That sounds like a good place.  I would like to visit there someday.  Today was not the day. 

Today I was a broken pretzel -  the big, hard kind from Pennsylvania Dutch land  that crumble when you bite into them.  All of the yoga poses were difficult and reminded me of how weak I am.  My body shakes with the effort of stretching.  My hamstrings are so tight they should be called pork cables.  My inner balance needs an alignment.   Perhaps pilates is the way to go....

A Dry Season.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows."  -Jesus

"It's a bloody mess and that's all there is to it." -C.S. Lewis - Shadowlands

“I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you” - Dr. Seuss

"Sometimes life just sucks."  -Tina

The State of Things.

I am home.  I've been home for a week.  I completed the IV antibiotic therapy two days ago.  The picc line has been pulled out of my arm. 

I am:
          grateful & lost & let down & relieved & tired & lonely & overwhelmed & well & restless.

Winter lingers, spring is coming. 

Homeostasis is desired but can not be demanded.  We simply must adapt to what is.  I must adapt.