The Quest for Balance

I am back in Tennessee, back in the hospital.  This past week has been extremely stressful.

Last Thursday I traveled  to Nashville to Vanderbilt hospital.  I wanted to compare another transplant center to Duke and I wanted a second opinion.  The were in agreement with Duke's assessment.  The window is not open, it's too early for transplant.

That's the good news, the more challenging news is I must stay committed to the exercise/wellness routine that has been presented to me.   I don't know how to do this.  In Durham at the Center for Living it was easy.  The routine was established,  there were many people struggling with health problems so a natural comaraderie existed which was very encouraging.  I was one of many on oxygen so I didn't stand out, I felt normal.

Now I am returning to a world where I feel alone in the struggle.  Yes, I am fortunate to have many supportive people around me.  I am grateful to my friends and family who are encouraging to me but unless you have struggled with a chronic disease then it's hard to understand the weariness, the burden, the loss, the sense of isolation that goes with declining health.

I feel uncertain that I can predict how my life will be lived out. There are too many balls juggling in the air right now to think about the big picture.  The quest for balance continues.