Day # 4

Day #4 in the hospital.  My room is my cocoon, here it is dark, cool and comforting.  Outside I hear the muffled hustle and bustle of the staff.  Every once in a while I hear a bed alarm going off from down the hall.  "She'll be coming round the mountain" bursts out.  Seems odd that they play that song for a patient who is not allowed out of bed.

There is a bowl of grapes beside me.  The antibiotics gives me a metallic taste in my mouth.  I eat out of necessity not out of want.  Soon I will get out of bed and do my exercise routine.  I use coke cans as weights for my upper body strength.  I use resistant bands for lower body.  Then I will walk, round and round and round the floor.

I am reminded that walking is really all I need to do in life.  I don't have to run.  Life is not a race to be won. I can set my own pace,  one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

The Quest for Balance

I am back in Tennessee, back in the hospital.  This past week has been extremely stressful.

Last Thursday I traveled  to Nashville to Vanderbilt hospital.  I wanted to compare another transplant center to Duke and I wanted a second opinion.  The were in agreement with Duke's assessment.  The window is not open, it's too early for transplant.

That's the good news, the more challenging news is I must stay committed to the exercise/wellness routine that has been presented to me.   I don't know how to do this.  In Durham at the Center for Living it was easy.  The routine was established,  there were many people struggling with health problems so a natural comaraderie existed which was very encouraging.  I was one of many on oxygen so I didn't stand out, I felt normal.

Now I am returning to a world where I feel alone in the struggle.  Yes, I am fortunate to have many supportive people around me.  I am grateful to my friends and family who are encouraging to me but unless you have struggled with a chronic disease then it's hard to understand the weariness, the burden, the loss, the sense of isolation that goes with declining health.

I feel uncertain that I can predict how my life will be lived out. There are too many balls juggling in the air right now to think about the big picture.  The quest for balance continues.

For Today-

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places

- Ernest Hemingway

 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

Hmmmm......

“If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse.” 
― Walt Disney Company