Stumbling along

Yesterday I sat in the surgical waiting room at Duke hospital.  Stressed out families were littered about like salt spilled on an icy sidewalk.  Each filled with nervous tension, awaiting for word from the doctor.  I was keeping Cindy company until her family arrived.  Her son, my friend from pulmonary rehab, Travis was receiving his new lungs

Travis is breathing on a respirator this morning in ICU.  The recovery process has begun.  Three of my friends from pulmonary rehab were given new lungs in the last week.  I am so happy for all of them.

I was caught off guard by the tidal wave of despair that hit me when I came home last night; so much disappointment.  In the quiet seclusion of my room I was flooded with tears of desperation.   My journey here is almost done.  I am to go home with instructions of keeping up the regime I've been adhering to here- nearly 3 hours of exercise a day.  How anticlimactic.  I feel set up to fail.

My life has been turned upside down, being sick will do that to you. There is no end in sight so I am blindly stumbling along, having lost my equilibrium a long time ago.  One foot in front of the other, not sure where I am going just trying to keep going.