Trying to remember who I am.

A few years ago if you would've asked me who I am then I would've spouted off a list of what I do. The list would vary depending on when on the time line you asked but may have included any combination of the following: wife, mom, counselor, professor, speaker/teacher, realtor, landlord, property manager, bus driver, social worker, home school teacher, case manager, program director, board member, grant writer...... the list would've been long because I was busy. I enjoyed being busy. I enjoyed setting and obtaining goals. I enjoyed multitasking. I enjoyed the controlled chaos of juggling family and career. I enjoyed doing.

If you ask me today who am I then you will get a different answer; depending on who's asking and my mood, I might say that I am a domestic goddess. This sounds so much more luxurious then homemaker. Or I might say I am a psychology researcher conducting a long term field study on child development i.e. a homeschooling Mom. I might even say I am a professional patient helping to identify the flaws in our current health care system (and there are many).

However, ever so slowly and painfully, I am coming to understand that who I am is different then what I do. Because of the "gift" of sickness, I do not do nearly as much as I used to do; nor do I do as much as I want to do. I do less but I am more; or at least more aware of who I am.

Wow, it's late and I am not sure I am making sense. Time to stop writing; ending this entry with this quote- “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” ― Oscar Wilde