Entering day five of the second hospital stay of this year. I have not been "well" since the beginning of the year. I spent three weeks in February in the hospital, went home tired, completed two rounds of out patient antibiotics with no real relief so I'm back at UT hospital.
I am discouraged. Seems I've developed some new challenges. My oxygen saturation level is not stable. My hemoglobin continues to drop. I received a blood transfusion today. Now the questions are why is my hemoglobin low? Will my body respond and begin to hold onto the red blood cells that were replaced today. If not, then???????/
My experience with chronic illness is that it throws life off kilter. Getting better only to get worse again is demoralizing. I long for consistency.
Constantly fighting the resentment due to missing out on events, laying in bed on beautiful days, wrestling with the "big picture" so much that it is exhausting to think of the the daily necessary details of life AND at the same time acknowledging that I am one of the "lucky one" leaves me on an emotional see saw ride, up and down, up and down. I long for steadiness.
What does tomorrow hold?
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1 comment:
Praying for consistency, for peace, for health - for you.
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