Happiness is....

Growing up our neighborhood was full of kids, most were related to me in one way or another.  Three doors down lived my Aunt, Uncle and four cousins.  Proximity is one of the bedrocks of relationships.  Living close together allows us to casually visit and lean on each other.  Having a street full of those I knew provided a layer of resources for me I would not have had otherwise.  For example, if ever my Mom made something for dinner that I did not like I knew that I could go to my Aunt's house.  They ate earlier then us and I learned I could count on their leftovers.  Leftovers from dinner would always be waiting on the stove.  Part of Southern hospitality is to always offer food to those who enter your home.   "Help yourself Honey" was a familiar phrase and so it was in this home that I learned to enjoy a cold biscuit and sausage sandwich, a delicacy I still enjoy.

It's interesting the memories we pack with us from childhood, like dragging an old suitcase I can unpack sights, sounds and smells from my upbringing that are as real today as they were then.  In my minds eye I can see my Aunt's hallway and picture a plaque that plagues me to this day.  Covered in green tress with beautiful rays of sun bursting through the sky was a simple message that read, "Happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you have."

 I love this concept, so simple, concise and, well, confusing.  The first part I readily accept, "Happiness is not getting what you want".  Many times I have gotten what I wanted with the final result of not being happy. When I was younger I wanted to be married and a stay at home Mom, got it. I worked hard to get a degree, determination and perseverance paid off, now I have a couple of diplomas.  I wanted to run my own business - been there, done that.  Each of these desires of mine have been fulfilled.  They were and are good desires.  I did feel happy when I got what I wanted, yet the happiness wore off, it was not the kind of happiness with staying power. I think there are different types of happiness.

 I've had the "if only"  happiness.  You know, the kind of happiness that comes when you dream of something so far out of your reality you wonder if it could ever be then by lots of chances and choices it comes to be.  Those moments are incredible - the joy of seeing the face of your baby for the first time is a feeling you never forget.  Saying I do to the one you love is pure bliss. Working hard and seeing the fruit of your labor is satisfying. I love these positive feelings- joy, elation, bliss.  They are good but there are more complex feelings that elude me.  Happiness comes and goes, contentment is fleeting.

So on to the second part of the saying that has lingered in my mind for decades- "Happiness is wanting what you have."  What does that mean?  wanting everything?  Can I want my husband but not his snoring?  Can I delight in the warmth of a cat on my lap and still be frustrated with him because he refuses to use the toilet like the other smart felines on youtube?  Part of me feels silly as I ponder my problems, at least the two I just mentioned , are so trivial, so first world, so pale in comparison to the challenges others face and to some I have faced in the past.

As I write I'm gaining perspective, recognizing how good life is at this moment when I have the time and energy to ponder my pet pooping in the latrine.  Life is good. I am happy.  A deep sigh wells up in my soul as I embrace all that is in my life. "Happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have."  Finally, I get it.